There is a YouTube channel called Struthless which is hosted by a bald guy named Cam. He’s fun. He does motivational videos from a goofy Australian dude’s perspective. And on his 30th birthday he made a list of 30 rules to live by. Pretty decent rules, most of them. And he encouraged others to do the same. (Make their own lists, I mean).

Well I’m 61, but you probably don’t want to hear 61 rules, right? So I subtracted my pre-adult years from that number … and I’m not saying that I ever actually achieved adulthood, but work with me here … and that math leaves (61–18) … carry the remainder and divide by pi … equals 43!

So yes dear campers, today I give you 43 precise, wonderful, and insightful rules of a purposeful life … that almost surely could even be correct.

1. Don’t worry about what people think, because honestly … most other people don’t really think all that often.

2. When someone shows you a photo on their phone, don’t swipe left or right.

3. Coffee. That’s literally all I have to say on the subject.

4. Avoid negative people. They simply aren’t worth it.

5. Never fight a land war in Asia.

6. But only slightly less well-known is this: ‘Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!’.

7. Don’t expect life to be fair. Having said that, treat people fairly.

8. Always carry jumper cables.

9. Learn to say no. Not to act like a two year old, but to feel better about yourself.

10. Eat your vegetables, especially your brussel sprouts and cabbage. Butt music is fun.

11. Don’t propose at someone else’s wedding. It’s seriously bad form.

12. Your mother was right, always wear clean underwear.

13. Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation. Pretty deep, huh?

14. Know the difference between your speakerphone and a regular phone. Most of us really aren’t all that interested in your latest whatever the hell it was you did.

15. When an elevator door opens … others get off, then you get on. Always in that order.

16. You don’t have to honk twenty milliseconds after the light turns green. This is for you Miami.

17. Floss daily. Dentists are expensive.

18. You can be wrong. It’s allowed. Even encouraged.

19. I forget what 19 is … old age causes this. You get used to it.

20. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. You know, that’s actually not true. I hate dancing, so let’s scratch that one.

21. You should never ever ever say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant … not unless you can see an actual human baby emerging from her at that very moment.

22. You walk on the left side of the escalator, you stand on the right.

23. An entire bag of cookies constitutes … one serving.

24. A person who is nice to you but rude to your server, is not a nice person.

25. Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.

26. Don’t leave your shopping cart in the middle of the freaking grocery aisle! You know who you are!

27. If you walk into a room and have no idea why … where was I going with this?

28. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.

29. Don’t mess up an apology with an excuse.

30. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

31. Stay uncomfortable whenever possible. The story usually ends better that way.

32. You should never confuse your career with your life. Unless you’re a YouTuber, then you have no life other than YouTube.

33. Always double-dip at parties. This will completely gross out most people … leaving more dip for you.

34. Over-tip your breakfast server. They had to get up way earlier than you did.

35. Let everyone know how bad you think the president is doing, even if you don’t know who the president is and you forgot to vote. (Obviously a joke! Kinda.)

36. I’m going to catch hell for this one but … it ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

37. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried. Carrying a clipboard helps the illusion too.

38. Don’t peek through the gap between bathroom stalls. Do you hear me Steve?

39. YOU give your life meaning. No one else does. Think about it.

40. Never refuse homemade brownies. You know what I’m saying. 🙂

41. YOU get to pick your family. Surround yourself with people who are filled with love.

42. If you’re borrowing something for the third time, you probably need one of your own.

43. Some days you eat the bear, and some days the bear eats you.