… you keep procrastinating on planning the next leg of your journey. Canada is proving to be difficult nut to crack as far as layover spots on the way to Banff. So anyway, let’s solve the world’s problems while we’re waiting. LOL!
SPRINGDALE, USA — In a stunning show of force earlier this morning, agents from the Department of Anti-Education stormed into Room 203 of Abraham Lincoln Middle School and placed a well-worn copy of To Kill a Mockingbird under arrest. The charge: “First-degree empathy with intent to challenge blind nationalism.”
The arrest was part of Operation Thought Cleanse, a nationwide initiative aimed at rooting out subversive literature from the minds of America’s most vulnerable population—middle schoolers.
“They said it was making kids think, and worse—feel,” whispered Ms. Pennington, the visibly shaken 8th grade English teacher. “One student reportedly asked why some people get treated unfairly. Another started questioning why they’re told to stand for everything without understanding anything.”
The offending book, already worn from decades of use and annotated with innocent margin notes like “this made me cry” and “Atticus is GOAT,” was led out of the classroom in handcuffs. Students watched in stunned silence as the book offered no resistance—only a heavy sigh from its dog-eared spine.
A spokesperson for the Department of Anti-Education, Officer Grant Bayne, defended the arrest.
“This book posed a clear and present danger to unquestioning loyalty,” Bayne stated. “We cannot allow texts that highlight injustice, question authority, or suggest that moral courage is more important than national pride. That’s how revolutions start. Or worse… library cards.”
Bayne added that other suspects are being pursued, including The Diary of Anne Frank, The Bluest Eye, and “anything written by that damn Steinbeck.”
Sources close to the investigation say To Kill a Mockingbird will be held in solitary storage pending trial, alongside other repeat offenders like 1984 and The Lorax.
Meanwhile, school officials assure parents that the curriculum will continue, now centered around more suitable texts—such as How to Love Your Country Without Asking Questions and Moby Dick, But Just the Whale Parts.