Have you ever noticed how just a few drinks make you free your mind?  Or to be more specific, give you the superhuman ability to shed your conservative and ill-fitting skin? I have, perhaps more frequently than common sense would allow. Maybe I should explain deeper.

I’m one of those people who was raised with a certain Southern, mostly-conservative upbringing. Stoic might be too strong a word, but it’s close. I was taught that men were men and rarely showed emotions. That “Providing” with a capital P was what we did. Was all we need do. And apparently alcohol is the kryptonite to that upbringing. At least while the effect lasts.

Let me be more specific. When I was a wee teenager back in the 70s, I wanted to be an actor. I was in high school drama and even graduated (literally) to doing a some little theatre work after. But acting wasn’t going to pay those bills, now was it? And as a piece of final life advice from the man who made me, I refocused myself into building a real career. Which turned out well. I’m a successful software guy. I have savings. I’m actually living the American Dream … even if it is down here in Miami, which could mean I’m actually living the Cuban-American-Dream.

But I’ve never been satisfied. Sure, maybe I started drinking to escape the unwanted career ladder and mistake marriages of my past. And maybe I escaped more often than I should. But today? When I get a little tipsy, it’s for another reason. One which keeps coming back … and honestly, making me laugh. For you see, I have re-embraced my Inner Creative. Yet I still wear that Southern Skin. So a few vodka tonics usually has the effect of me believing that my best work is now flowing … and I better write it down. So let’s have a re-cap of earlier in the week, shall we?

The last entry in the journal was “don’t let sobriety stall this”. Apparently I knew that when my liver did its job, whatever gems I was creating were going to be hidden away again. I must remember and fight for these beauties!, I thought unclearly to myself. And what were these rarified ideas from on low?

“I like pigs, deal with it … (PS: Colin Fruze this up?)”

“Defender, I want to 80F’$ I love trucks packing everything in small boxes”

“Foreign films + subtitles – get over it, you’ll adapt”

I honestly don’t know how I could go wrong with these ideas! Each could be a trilogy in both video and written format. My entire life could be transformed and spun on these gifts from an untethered mind! If only I heed those initial words … “don’t let sobriety stall this”.

OK, in my own defense, I do know what I meant. And while not great storylines for scripts, they did kinda make sense in the real world. But the real point seems to not be what I wrote or thought, but the underlying reasons for even writing them. Now I know that this story thus far feels like an advertisement for over-drinking, but that initial line was actually important. The one about sobriety not stopping me from achieving. For you see, my conservative “don’t rock the boat” persona is holding me back. I’m a risk taker when it comes to actions in my personal life, but in my financial, public, and “provider” life? Not so much. By a large factor.

I actually did write down a gem that night. “The Real Rick Higgins ^^ Theme + Story”. So all of those whacked-out ideas actually did serve a purpose. To tell myself to find the real me. To explore him and allow him to try new mistakes. To risk. And so I am … by sharing this “moment”. By owning it.

I hope you too have a inner little person you let out soon. Only … without the hangover.